Monthly Archives: March 2011

We live in a men`s world. But we are Women!

Every year, on the 8th of March, in Romania, my home-country, we celebrate Women`s Day and Mother`s Day. Every women receives flowers and presents and text messages and every man takes more care of  the women next to him on this day more than on the other ones of the year (although he should take care of her everyday in the same manner). I am not going to give you too much details, I just wanted to explain the context in which I am writing this post.

We live in a men`s world. Yes, we women that are celebrated today, we live in a men`s world. And we do not complain too much about it. Because we are too concentrated on being equal to them, making efforts everyday and trying to give our best to be as they are. But no matter how many times you will pull your chair by yourself at the table, no matter how many times you will open by yourself every door you encounter, no matter how many times you will struggle to carry all those heavy groceries bags, no matter how strong you want to seem, you are so different from them. And despite their power, their strong tone in their voice, their strong arms, their muscles, they will always be weaker from one point f view.

Now, do not get me wrong. I have a father and a brother back home and I don`t want to make them feel bad about their gender. In the past few months, I have realised that men are weak while managing companies, teams, being the bosses and so on. You might be surprised, but how many times have you looked at your boss during working hours and saw him as a beast and after work you saw him as a normal person, with flaws and mistakes, worries and so on?!

This is what I am talking about. No matter how much women desire to be equal to men, once they are in a higher position, they will always distinguish themselves from men. Because although they are the bosses, they do things with care. They do not lose their character, nor personality. They keep their “feminism” and they are not afraid of showing their “human” side, just because their employers might lose their respect and attention. They can express an idea and make their point without shouting, thus with a calm voice, full of confidence. They can manage teams and companies and people around them while managing their own lives as well. Because they do not leave their real personalities at the front door of the building, just because they are scared that people are going to disobey them. They know how to control, express themselves and make themselves clear without raising voices, thus looking in your eyes and giving you “push” only from one look.

I do not want to say that men are not good leaders. But what I do not understand is their strategy of losing their character and winning the respect of their employers. It is a high price to pay. It is enough that you are a man. People see you a strong person from the moment they realise you are a man. Because this is the perception of the majority. Borrow the look of a women who leads and has power to move even mountains from their place, and you will not have to start shouting to gain the respect of others. And at the end of the day, you can quit wearing that mask of a “beast” without any feelings. Try not to fool yourself. Your employers sometimes realise you are still a human with feelings and flaws. You do not have to become a robot just for them to see you as a boss. Because you will only hear good things in your face, but bad things in your back. And be sure that the rate of having long-term employers by your side, will decrease.

Through this post I just wanted to remind to all women how special they are at work. Because in the past decades, women are more concentrated on their careers and try to bring money in the house, and again, be equal with men. But stop running after equality. You are succesful from the moment you are a women with a sever look, but caring hands. With a firm voice, but warm at the same time. And men do not know your secrets. They are still searching for power in screams, multitude of gestures and wrong choice of words. This is the truth, no matter what men will say, you have your own method of managing people, but it is sad how many men forget to manage themselves before the others.

P.S. I have a true example in my life and just wanted to remind her how well she manages everything she does.

Happy Women`s Day!

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Story from a table

As I already told you guys before, it`s kinda strange to see that from week to week you start having different feelings towards the tables you have to serve at. This week maybe you hate one table, because the people sitting at it are really annoying and disrespectful. Next week you love it, simply because the guests are treating you nice (and by nice I do not mean receiving tips only!!). So a couple of weeks ago, I had table 13. There was a couple: a *Her” and a “Him”. She was about 50 years old, but she looked very young, despite all the wrinkles on her face. Her eyes were really green and her hair was always perfect. You could have easily say that she is a Lady: the way she walked, the way she was looking at you (sometimes with coldness, sometimes with sweetness), the way she was eating, and finally, the way she was talking to the one in front of her.

He, on the other side, was an old man at about 70 or 80, with his white hair always perfect, on a side, a tall and skinny man, dressed poorly (compared to the wines he ordered during his stay), glucose allergic, but with a voice full of care and love that from the first moment I have remarked. I do not know if they were together or not, as a couple, because they never kissed, they had only intelligent discussions about wine making process, about history and philosophy. But I am sure that for this man, this women was everything he had at that very moment. I was clearing another table next to theirs and suddenly heard:

“Cheers for you, my darling! Thank you for making my life wonderful every day!”

And she smiled, like a Lady. Of course, I stopped for a moment and realised: despite their age, they are still young inside. Their eyes were so young and cheerful and full of joy. She was waiting for him to finish all his meals. In this time, she was looking at him and from time to time sang the song that was played at the piano, but so quiet, that you could have only see her lips moving. I never saw him looking around them, except looking at her. Only when, of course, I was serving their meals and drinks, he always called my name:

“Thank you, Ynes, for this wonderful meal”,”Ynes, I think we will keep the wine for tomorrow, or..just pour a bit more now. You know why? Because I am going to have some cheese and if I have my cheese, my wine, I will be more than happy tonight!”.

Once, he asked me if he can play the piano. I did not know what to answer since the piano over here is very expensive and only our pianist is allowed to touch it. And moreover, I did not know if he would know to play it. I`ve asked my boss and the next moment I came back from the kitchen, I saw him: playing a song full of joy, with his quick hands, the other guests were fascinated, as well as the Lady that could not stop smiling. In the end, he apologized if he disturbed anyone, but his piano at home is broken and did not play it for a long time. The other guests were still applauding. At the end of their stay, I did not have the opportunity to say good bye, since I had off. I did not receive any tips, even though I was being their waitress during their whole stay. But I received something more important: the joy of serving them. It was my pleasure to serve them, it was my pleasure to make them happy and pleased. To see such a young smile on an old face. To hear small chats about history and philosophy and most of all, to see that love can be of all kind, at any age and no matter how old you are, you should not feel embarrassed to express what you feel towards the ones that you love.

Cheers to all of you who are not afraid!

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“Death makes life possible”

While reading some articles about Zen Attitude, I have come upon this sentence, apparently written by Deepak Chopra, but I think these words were told long before this guy wrote a book about life, death and spirituality. As we all know, life is a continuous cycle. We are told since very young that we are born, we grow up and we die. But things are not that simple as they seem to be. We see death as something terrifying, as something that cannot happen to us, but we do know that one day it will come and take us away from the loved ones and we will eventually find ourselves somewhere alone and will end up being in Heaven or Hell or these kind of stories you already know. I am not saying that I am sceptical about the existence of Heaven or Hell, nor about the existence of God, nor about the existence of the Great Judgement. Still…I do believe that death really makes life possible.

Because what your grandparents, priests, parents, friends and so on, did not tell you, is that yes! you are born, you grow up and from that moment, you start dying and being re-born over and over again. How? Think about your childhood. The times when you were 2 years old. That baby is dead now. The only thing alive about that 2-years baby is your own memory. This happens as well when you are 16, 20, 50 or 90. You die every time, because you become your own memory. And then you are re-born in another position, in another character, with other dreams and other targets. Because death is spiritual as well..I would even say more spiritual than material. You cannot stop to an age. You keep growing and dying and becoming a memory of your own, for yourself. How many times you stood silent for a couple of seconds and realised how much you miss your childhood and the kid inside of you?

I do not want to portray death as a cruel thing in our lives that is happening to us every moment and every second, because after death, we are still here. We still grow, we still change ourselves and the moment that Supreme Death will come, you will become a memory for others. For now, you are a memory of yourself. This is how death makes life possible, because every age has its own spring, summer, autumn and winter. Every age has its own date of birth and date of death.

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