We live in a men`s world. But we are Women!

Every year, on the 8th of March, in Romania, my home-country, we celebrate Women`s Day and Mother`s Day. Every women receives flowers and presents and text messages and every man takes more care of  the women next to him on this day more than on the other ones of the year (although he should take care of her everyday in the same manner). I am not going to give you too much details, I just wanted to explain the context in which I am writing this post.

We live in a men`s world. Yes, we women that are celebrated today, we live in a men`s world. And we do not complain too much about it. Because we are too concentrated on being equal to them, making efforts everyday and trying to give our best to be as they are. But no matter how many times you will pull your chair by yourself at the table, no matter how many times you will open by yourself every door you encounter, no matter how many times you will struggle to carry all those heavy groceries bags, no matter how strong you want to seem, you are so different from them. And despite their power, their strong tone in their voice, their strong arms, their muscles, they will always be weaker from one point f view.

Now, do not get me wrong. I have a father and a brother back home and I don`t want to make them feel bad about their gender. In the past few months, I have realised that men are weak while managing companies, teams, being the bosses and so on. You might be surprised, but how many times have you looked at your boss during working hours and saw him as a beast and after work you saw him as a normal person, with flaws and mistakes, worries and so on?!

This is what I am talking about. No matter how much women desire to be equal to men, once they are in a higher position, they will always distinguish themselves from men. Because although they are the bosses, they do things with care. They do not lose their character, nor personality. They keep their “feminism” and they are not afraid of showing their “human” side, just because their employers might lose their respect and attention. They can express an idea and make their point without shouting, thus with a calm voice, full of confidence. They can manage teams and companies and people around them while managing their own lives as well. Because they do not leave their real personalities at the front door of the building, just because they are scared that people are going to disobey them. They know how to control, express themselves and make themselves clear without raising voices, thus looking in your eyes and giving you “push” only from one look.

I do not want to say that men are not good leaders. But what I do not understand is their strategy of losing their character and winning the respect of their employers. It is a high price to pay. It is enough that you are a man. People see you a strong person from the moment they realise you are a man. Because this is the perception of the majority. Borrow the look of a women who leads and has power to move even mountains from their place, and you will not have to start shouting to gain the respect of others. And at the end of the day, you can quit wearing that mask of a “beast” without any feelings. Try not to fool yourself. Your employers sometimes realise you are still a human with feelings and flaws. You do not have to become a robot just for them to see you as a boss. Because you will only hear good things in your face, but bad things in your back. And be sure that the rate of having long-term employers by your side, will decrease.

Through this post I just wanted to remind to all women how special they are at work. Because in the past decades, women are more concentrated on their careers and try to bring money in the house, and again, be equal with men. But stop running after equality. You are succesful from the moment you are a women with a sever look, but caring hands. With a firm voice, but warm at the same time. And men do not know your secrets. They are still searching for power in screams, multitude of gestures and wrong choice of words. This is the truth, no matter what men will say, you have your own method of managing people, but it is sad how many men forget to manage themselves before the others.

P.S. I have a true example in my life and just wanted to remind her how well she manages everything she does.

Happy Women`s Day!

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Story from a table

As I already told you guys before, it`s kinda strange to see that from week to week you start having different feelings towards the tables you have to serve at. This week maybe you hate one table, because the people sitting at it are really annoying and disrespectful. Next week you love it, simply because the guests are treating you nice (and by nice I do not mean receiving tips only!!). So a couple of weeks ago, I had table 13. There was a couple: a *Her” and a “Him”. She was about 50 years old, but she looked very young, despite all the wrinkles on her face. Her eyes were really green and her hair was always perfect. You could have easily say that she is a Lady: the way she walked, the way she was looking at you (sometimes with coldness, sometimes with sweetness), the way she was eating, and finally, the way she was talking to the one in front of her.

He, on the other side, was an old man at about 70 or 80, with his white hair always perfect, on a side, a tall and skinny man, dressed poorly (compared to the wines he ordered during his stay), glucose allergic, but with a voice full of care and love that from the first moment I have remarked. I do not know if they were together or not, as a couple, because they never kissed, they had only intelligent discussions about wine making process, about history and philosophy. But I am sure that for this man, this women was everything he had at that very moment. I was clearing another table next to theirs and suddenly heard:

“Cheers for you, my darling! Thank you for making my life wonderful every day!”

And she smiled, like a Lady. Of course, I stopped for a moment and realised: despite their age, they are still young inside. Their eyes were so young and cheerful and full of joy. She was waiting for him to finish all his meals. In this time, she was looking at him and from time to time sang the song that was played at the piano, but so quiet, that you could have only see her lips moving. I never saw him looking around them, except looking at her. Only when, of course, I was serving their meals and drinks, he always called my name:

“Thank you, Ynes, for this wonderful meal”,”Ynes, I think we will keep the wine for tomorrow, or..just pour a bit more now. You know why? Because I am going to have some cheese and if I have my cheese, my wine, I will be more than happy tonight!”.

Once, he asked me if he can play the piano. I did not know what to answer since the piano over here is very expensive and only our pianist is allowed to touch it. And moreover, I did not know if he would know to play it. I`ve asked my boss and the next moment I came back from the kitchen, I saw him: playing a song full of joy, with his quick hands, the other guests were fascinated, as well as the Lady that could not stop smiling. In the end, he apologized if he disturbed anyone, but his piano at home is broken and did not play it for a long time. The other guests were still applauding. At the end of their stay, I did not have the opportunity to say good bye, since I had off. I did not receive any tips, even though I was being their waitress during their whole stay. But I received something more important: the joy of serving them. It was my pleasure to serve them, it was my pleasure to make them happy and pleased. To see such a young smile on an old face. To hear small chats about history and philosophy and most of all, to see that love can be of all kind, at any age and no matter how old you are, you should not feel embarrassed to express what you feel towards the ones that you love.

Cheers to all of you who are not afraid!

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“Death makes life possible”

While reading some articles about Zen Attitude, I have come upon this sentence, apparently written by Deepak Chopra, but I think these words were told long before this guy wrote a book about life, death and spirituality. As we all know, life is a continuous cycle. We are told since very young that we are born, we grow up and we die. But things are not that simple as they seem to be. We see death as something terrifying, as something that cannot happen to us, but we do know that one day it will come and take us away from the loved ones and we will eventually find ourselves somewhere alone and will end up being in Heaven or Hell or these kind of stories you already know. I am not saying that I am sceptical about the existence of Heaven or Hell, nor about the existence of God, nor about the existence of the Great Judgement. Still…I do believe that death really makes life possible.

Because what your grandparents, priests, parents, friends and so on, did not tell you, is that yes! you are born, you grow up and from that moment, you start dying and being re-born over and over again. How? Think about your childhood. The times when you were 2 years old. That baby is dead now. The only thing alive about that 2-years baby is your own memory. This happens as well when you are 16, 20, 50 or 90. You die every time, because you become your own memory. And then you are re-born in another position, in another character, with other dreams and other targets. Because death is spiritual as well..I would even say more spiritual than material. You cannot stop to an age. You keep growing and dying and becoming a memory of your own, for yourself. How many times you stood silent for a couple of seconds and realised how much you miss your childhood and the kid inside of you?

I do not want to portray death as a cruel thing in our lives that is happening to us every moment and every second, because after death, we are still here. We still grow, we still change ourselves and the moment that Supreme Death will come, you will become a memory for others. For now, you are a memory of yourself. This is how death makes life possible, because every age has its own spring, summer, autumn and winter. Every age has its own date of birth and date of death.

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The experiment: Say “No” to “No”

Yesterday, a typical day at work. It is nice to see how time passes so fast, people come on holiday, spend the time together with the family, you serve them every day, twice per day, and when they leave, the table is empty, waiting for new ones to come. It`s so strange to see how the tables are in the same position every time since the season started, you clean the chairs twice per day after each guest seats on it, as if you clean his image away. You see how new people come, new arrivals, new characters with new ideas and new requests.

Yesterday I had a new table. 3 guests from UK. 2 men and one women. Just arrived at the table to ask for drinks and one of the men asked me:

-So, how do you pronounce your name?

-YNES. Like..Pina Colada . PI. Ynes.

-Oh..alright, Ynes. So, are you happy here? Are you happy in general? I want the person who brings me my food to be a happy person.

I stood silence for a moment and I`ve answered:

– Well, I assure you Sir that I am very positive about the food I will serve to you the rest of your stay!

And he smiled. I won`t give any details about my life right now, since it is not the right moment. But I have realised the importance of seeing the bright side of the story, of knowing how to avoid saying a no or saying something negative. Since yesterday I have decided to participate in my own experiment of saying “no” to a “no”. Whenever I feel like answering negative, I will try my best to answer with positive words.

“Are you sad?”

“There are people out there that suffer more than I do. So, I can be just very grateful.”

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Revelation: Healing your pessimism

Throughout decades of research, scientists have discovered that once a person starts thinking positive,  positive things will start happening to him or her. People have taken this too seriously tho`. Thinking about you winning the lottery won`t bring you billions in your pocket the next day. No. People have misunderstood this theory and started to be sceptical about it because obviously thinking about how you will get back together with your ex in a positive manner, won`t bring him at your door the next day. It`s just because the positive things you want in your life, depend ONLY on you and not on the others. You cannot force someone to love you, but you can force yourself to be brighter each day that passes, no matter how long you have been waited for that someone to knock at your door. 

 This is the reason why there are so many pessimists around us. So many people that lose their faith in themselves and others. I have the tendency of “getting rid” of the people who have a bad karma on me. And yes, I do believe in Karma and all that crap. I get influenced very easily by people, by their emotions and feelings. Of course, if a friend needs me when hard times, I am there to help him and giving him all my positive energy. But when someone does not want to receive my help, I fade away. I do not want to feel useless for people who do not want, nor need my help. I do not want to lose my self-confidence because I simply cannot show them the right path, because they wouldn`t let me.  Some people will answer only with “I can`t”, “I don`t”, “I failed” and so on.

The moment you are open with yourselves, the moment you consider the bright side of the story, the moment you have faith and the moment you start to forgive yourselves for being humans and making mistakes, the moment when you realise that the sun will eventually rise tomorrow morning, you will start healing your pessimism. And no matter how hard times can be, go have a talk to yourself and see where can you improve next time.

Nothing represents the end of the world. Disappointed in love, by friends, by co-workers, by family, hurt feelings and crashed hearts, if you have 2 eyes, 2 arms, 2 legs, one heart and one mind, both healthy, then you are a human with a bright future ahead. A future for which you can move even mountains from their place. You need the will and the smile on your face. Cause one thing I have learned since I was young: “There is no such thing as “I cannot”, there is just “I do not want”. Make some changes!

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Disconnecting…

I have realised how many people tend to disconnect themselves. But not from the world, thus from the others around them. They are too connected to the world,  they cannot stop one second to look at what surrounds them. Disconnected by distance, time and space. Disconnected by relationships of all kind, by selfishness and by their own reflection. Friends are friends because they usually have something in common. You are the reflection of your friends, their “product”. When you tend to have your personality crisis and start changing things in your life, friends are wondering. Their reflection of themselves, in which you are included as well, is starting to look more as a reflection of a different person, even though you are still the same. Changes can be good, but at first glance, friends take them as an act of you not willing to be like them, or you not willing to be as they got used to..

Some friends finally understand this need of change, because we all make them. Some do not, just because they cannot stop that one second to understand. It is easier to judge and let it go by itself. We all do it. And this is how we disconnect one from each other.Letting time, distance and space being taken away by the velocity of the world.

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“Classy” vs “not-that-classy” Valentine`s Day

Since I do not celebrate Valentine`s Day, I can`t really give you ideas of presents and so on. But one thing I can share with you guys, and probably this will  push me to celebrate as well this year, is this bottle of Möet Champagne, limited edition. And of course, as a garnish it would be perfect a bunch of pink Macaroons. For those of you who want it classy, elegant and expensive.

Though, I may stick to the Trojka Pink tomorrow.;) Instead of macaroons, I can easily eat some choco muffins haha:)

What would you choose for your Valentine`s?:)

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